Act II, Scene 7

[The courtroom.  The sign has been changed to one that reads "Ineptia Ultimae Descensionis."  The judge, bailiff, Bush and Louis  are on stage.  The rest of the actors are in the jury box, with hoods over their heads.  Louis and Bush are standing.  The Bailiff walks over to the jury and takes a slip of paper from one of them and gives it to the judge.]

Judge:      On the first count of the indictment, the jury find the defendant...  guilty.

George:     Guilty?

Louis:      Do not worry.  They merely found you guilty of going to war.  There is no real penalty for it.  Only common people have to pay the penalty for it.

Judge:      On the second count of the indictment, the jury find the defendant...  guilty.

George:     Guilty?

Louis:      Lying.  Just lying.  No sweat.  Everybody does it.  No penalty.

Judge:      On the third count of the indictment, the jury find the defendant...  guilty.

George:     Guilty?

Louis:      Your honor, the defense requests that the jury be polled.

George:     Guilty?

Louis:      I was afraid of this.  But we still have a chance.  Oft times people say one thing when they are guaranteed anonymity, and something entirely different when they have to be counted in public.

Judge:      The bailiff will now poll the jury.

Bailiff:    The jurors will stand and remove their covering as their number is called.  Juror number one.

[The first juror stands up and removes his hood.  It is Agamemnon.  As each juror stands they do the same. After they speak, they sit.]

Agamemnon:  Not guilty.

George:     Wait a minute.  Wasn't he a witness?

Louis:      I believe you are right.  That is Agamemnon, the king who led the Greeks against Troy.

George:     How does he get to be on the jury?

Louis:      They probably had problems with people skipping jury duty.  You know how it is with dead people.  You can not really threaten them with anything if they fail to appear.

Bailiff:    Juror number two.

Marie:      Not guilty.

George:     That's two not guilty.  Doesn't that mean I win?

Louis:      This is not one of your trials.  This is more like the popular vote in one of your elections.  Majority rules.

George:     Do you have an electoral college?

Louis:      Sorry.

George:     Damn.

Bailiff:    Juror number three.

Conners:    Guilty.

George:     That was one of my guys!

Louis:      Apparently he was not impressed.

Bailiff:    Juror number four.

Pedis:      Not guilty.

Louis:      Three to one.  Looking good.

Bailiff:    Juror number five.

Alecto:     Guilty.

George:     Now hold on!  She's one of the prosecutors!  How the hell did she get on the jury?

Louis:      A relative of the judge, maybe?

Bailiff:    Juror number six.

Tisiphone:  Guilty. 

George:     I don't believe this.  I am being railroaded!

Bailiff:    Juror number seven.

Megaera:    Nasty monkey.  (The other Furies hiss.)  Guilty.

Louis:      It does seem that they do have an advantage here.

George:     Advantage?

Bailiff:    Juror number eight.

Moore:      Guilty!

George:     Oh, yeah.  Like that's a surprise.

Bailiff:    Juror number nine.

Cheney:     Not guilty.

George:     At least there is one clear headed thinker among them.

Bailiff:    Juror number ten.

Bell:       Guilty.

Louis:      It's six to four.  We can not afford anyone further to speak guilty.

Bailiff:    Juror number eleven.

[Taylor stands, removes hood, hesitates]

George:     Please.  Oh, please.

Taylor:     Not guilty. 

George:     Thank God.

Bailiff:    Juror number twelve.

[Carol stands, removes hood, even more hesitant]

George:     Oh, God.  I am finished.

Carol:      Not guilty.

George:     Not guilty!

Louis:      Six to six.

George:     It's a tie.  A hung jury.  I win!

Louis:      You win?  How do you figure that?

George:     Well, they are tied.  You can't convict someone on a tie vote. 

Louis:      It is not a tie vote.

George:     It's six to six.  What do you call that?

Louis:      One short.  There are thirteen jurors. 

George:     Thirteen jurors?  Who ever heard of a court with thirteen jurors?

Louis:      This is a court of history, not a court of law.  There is still one more juror left to be heard from.

Bailiff:    Juror number thirteen.

[Reagan stands.  After a moment, another juror nudges him and motions he is to remove his hood.  Reagan removes hood.]

George:     Oh my God.  It's Ronald Reagan!

Louis:      Who?

George:     Ronald Reagan.  He was President of the United States before my daddy.  I used to pitch and catch with him on the White House lawn.  He's practically my second daddy.  He loves me.  Hey, Ronnie!  It's me!  George!

[Reagan slowly looks over at Bush; seemingly no recognition; looks forward; sits]

Judge:      The thirteenth juror stands mute.  Standing mute is recorded as guilty.  The poll of the jury finds the defendant, George W. Bush, guilty of the third count of the indictment.

George:     What does he mean, guilty?  Reagan didn't say anything.  Are they blind?

Louis:      I believe you are thinking of justice.  Justice is blind.  History is deaf.

George:     But he didn't say anything.  How can that be guilty?

Louis:      He stood mute.  It is assumes that mute witnesses would vote guilty, if they had ever had the chance to speak.  Simply the way it is.

George:     But this isn't right.  Ronald Reagan had Alzheimer's.  He didn't understand what was going on.

Louis:      Since when did that ever stop anyone from passing judgment?  I am sorry.  I failed you.  You were found guilty on all three counts.  And on the third count, you suffer the extreme punishment.

George:     Punishment?  What kind of punishment?

Louis:      Have you ever heard the name Kafka?

George:     Yeah, I think so.  Didn't he play second base for the Dodgers?