Act II, Scene 3

[Living Room.  Meg is on stage.  Enter Eris.]

Eris:       Hi Meg.

Meg:        Hello, Eris.  If you're looking for Carol, she's in the kitchen.

Eris:       Thanks.  Where's George?

Meg:        George doesn't live here any more.

Eris:       What?

Meg:        Carol said that if he wants to run around with sleazy, little whores and leave love childs all over the state of New Jersey he can damn well find another place to live. 

Eris:       She said what?

Meg:        If George wants to run around with sleazy, little whores...

Eris:       I heard what you said.

Meg:        Well then, why did you ask...  Oh, is that one of those reciprocal questions, the kind you don't answer?

Eris:       Rhetorical.

Meg:        If you don't want a question answered, why do you ask in the first place?  Seems rather silly to me.

Eris:       Never mind.  Carol!

Meg:        And people say I don't make sense.

[Enter Carol]

Eris:       Carol, where's George?

Carol:      George is at the Discovery Hotel.

Eris:       What's he doing there?

Carol:      Probably having a good time.

Eris:       What did you do?

Carol:      It isn't what I did.

Meg:        George is the one who did the nasty, not Carol.

Eris:       Shut up, Meg.

Meg:        Why they call it nasty, I don't know.  It actually feels pretty good.

Eris:       You're not helping, Meg.  Carol, what happened?

Carol:      George said he needed time to think things through.

Eris:       I see.  Well.  Could be worse.

Carol:      Worse?  How can it be worse?  George had a child with another woman.

Eris:       You and George have already worked through this.  You went through therapy together.  It's behind you.

Carol:      It never ends.  You were here the other night.

Eris:       That was just hysteria.  We were all hallucinating or something.

Meg:        Poltergeists.

Eris:       George made a mistake.  Hasn't he paid enough for it?

Carol:      It isn't fair.  I can't have children.  But he gets to have one with her.

Meg:        At least we know he wasn't shooting blanks.

Eris:       Meg!  Shut the fuck up!  Are you sure it is his child?

Carol:      I don't know.  George thinks it could be, but he'd have to take a paternity test to find out for sure.

Eris:       Is he going to take the test?

Carol:      He doesn't know.  He says he's not sure he wants to know.

Eris:       He's afraid of finding out the child is his?

Carol:      He's afraid of finding out it's not.  He says the only way he can rid himself of his nightmares is to take care of the girl.  That isn't right, is it?  He can go through more therapy, can't he?

Eris:       Well, therapy can help.  But in this case, given how much guilt he must feel, if he believes...

Carol:      Guilt?  If he is the one who is guilty, why am I the one being punished?

Eris:       You're not being punished.

Carol:      If he brings the girl here.  Into our home.  That will be punishment.

Eris:       Carol.

Carol:      Every time I'd look at her I'd see her.  Every time I'd hear her voice I'd hear her. 

Meg:        It would be like a two for one sale!

Carol:      It will be like having her here.  In our home.  In my home.

Eris:       Carol, this is a child we are talking about.  You are not being fair to George.  If the girl is his child, he has to be responsible.  Do the right thing.

Carol:      The right thing is to torture me?

Eris:       Of course not.

Carol:      That's what it will be!

Meg:        (pause)  Aren't you going to wave your magic wand and fix all this?

Eris:       Magic wand?

Meg:        You're a witch, aren't you?  Cast a spell or whatever you do.

Eris:       It doesn't work like that.

Meg:        Why not?

Eris:       Because, being a witch is not like some T.V. sitcom.  I don't wiggle my nose or brew up charms.  It's more about being aligned with the forces of nature.

Meg:        Kind of a psychic chiropractor?

Eris:       Sure.

[Knock at door. Carol opens door. Enter Tisha.]

Tisha:      Good afternoon.  I'm looking for George and Carol Bush.

Carol:      I'm Carol Bush.

Tisha:      Hi.  My name is Tisha Morgan.  State Department of Child Services.  I'm here for the interview.

Carol:      Interview?  What interview?

Tisha:      The evaluation interview.  For the adoption. 

Carol:      Adoption?

Eris:       Oh, gods.

Tisha:      A formality, you understand.  Since your husband's the father of the child there should be no problem with the adoption.  A bit of paperwork, that's all.

Carol:      A-a-a-a-a...

[Carol exits, quickly]

Eris:       Carol!

[Eris starts to run after Carol, but then looks at Meg and Tisha.]

Eris:       Meg, maybe you better you see to your sister.

Meg:        I thought maybe I could stay and talk to Tisha for a while.

Eris:       I think we would be better off altogether if you saw to your sister.

[Eris pushes Meg towards the exit.  Exit Meg.]

Eris:       Would you like to sit down? 

Tisha:      Have I come at a bad time?

Eris:       I'm afraid they are all bad times at present.  Carol didn't learn that George had a child with another woman until recently.  She's still coming to grips with it.

Tisha:      Oh.  I thought it might have been a previous marriage.

Eris:       No.  An office affair.

Tisha:      I see.  And Mr. Bush?  Is he here?

Eris:       Not at the moment.

Tisha:      Oh, dear.  This isn't going to go as smooth as I had hoped.  Are you a member of the family?

Eris:       I'm a friend.  I live next door.

Tisha:      Known them long?

Eris:       For several years.

Tisha:      A stable relationship?

Eris:       For the most part.  They have had their rough moments, of course.

Tisha:      Of course.

Eris:       But nothing for quite some time, until... this.

Tisha:      Yes. (pause)  Nice house.

Eris:       Carol's an excellent housekeeper.  This place is always much cleaner than my home.  (pause)  Is there something I can help you with?

Tisha:      No, not really.

Eris:       I could answer some of your questions.  I have known Carol and George for years.

Tisha:      I appreciate your willingness to help your friends, but I'm here to evaluate the fitness of the Bushes to provide a home for an orphaned girl and, well, you're not exactly objective.

Eris:       Of course.  I understand.  Perhaps I should go get Carol.

Tisha:      Yes.

[Eris starts to leave, but stops.]

Eris:       I forgot.  What was your name again?

Tisha:      Tisha Morgan.

Eris:       That's right.  I'm sorry.  There's one thing that does puzzle me.

Tisha:      What is that?

Eris:       Why did it take so long for this to happen?  Weren't most of the children orphaned in 9/11 adopted almost immediately?

Tisha:      She's a 9/11 child?  I didn't know that.  Probably because of her age.  Even though there was an emotional outpouring after the attack, people still generally want infants.  The child was probably passed over because of her age.

Eris:       Sounds like she's lucky her father found her.

Tisha:      Yes.  Very.  (laughs)

Eris:       What's so funny?

Tisha:      Had we known who her father was, we would have contacted him immediately.  But we thought it was a joke.  On her birth certificate.  It said "George W. Bush."  When women don't know who the father is, or don't want to acknowledge him, they sometimes put down the name of a famous person.  You would be surprised how many children Elvis has every year.

[Exit Eris. Enter Carol]

Tisha:      Mrs. Bush.  Please.  Have a seat. 

Carol:      Can I get you something?

Tisha:      No, I'm fine.  This shouldn't take long.

Carol:      Good.  What is it?

Tisha:      The interview.

Carol:      Oh.

Tisha:      How long have you and Mr. Bush been married?

Carol:      Almost thirty years.

Tisha:      Do you have any children?

Carol:      No.

Tisha:      Did you want to have children?

Carol:      Oh, yes.  George and I tried very hard.  Drugs, induction, A.R.T.  We worked very hard at it.

Tisha:      But no success.

Carol:      No.

Tisha:      Your friend says that you found out about the child a short time ago.

Carol:      Yes.  We hadn't known until just recently. 

Tisha:      In your husband's petition he says he had known about the child since she was born.

Carol:      Oh.  Is that so?

Tisha:      Yes.  How does that make you feel?

Carol:      Inadequate.

Tisha:      I'm sorry.  Would you like to do this some other time?

Carol:      No.  No.  Now's fine.  But I'm afraid I don't really understand the purpose of this interview.

Tisha:      I need to evaluate the home environment the child would be brought up in.

Carol:      My fitness as a mother.

Tisha:      Well, your fitness as a substitute parent for this child.  We know that you can't replace her real mother.  No one could be expected to do that.

Carol:      And, if I don't pass your muster.

Tisha:      Regardless of what I think, I merely make a recommendation to the adoption board and they decide the fate of the child.  Given that Mr. Bush is the child's natural father...

Carol:      Do you know that for sure?

Tisha:      His name is on the birth certificate and he acknowledged the child.  Do you have some reason to doubt his claim?

Carol:      No, not really. 

Tisha:      The thought of bringing this child into your home makes you uneasy, doesn't it?

Carol:      How would you feel?  Your husband has an affair and then brings the other woman's child into your home.  Wouldn't that make you uneasy?

Tisha:      I suppose you are right.  It would. 

Carol:      I don't know if I want the girl in my home.  This is my place, not hers.  For the child to be here... live here... would seem like a violation.  Like I am only here because her mother can't be.  Like I'm a substitute.  For the real thing.

Tisha:      I didn't mean to imply...

Carol:      I know.  You're only doing your job.  What's best for the child.  I can respect that.  But I don't know if it's best for me.

Tisha:      That's something you're going to have to work out.  It's better for the child to be in a stable environment with parents... two parents... than to be in foster care.  Do you have a job?

Carol:      I do substitute teaching a couple days a week.  George...  George makes enough I don't need to work.

Tisha:      Would you be able to make arrangements to care for the child while you're working?

Carol:      They have a pre-school and a kindergarten.  The girl is old enough for that, isn't she?

Tisha:      Yes.  I believe she has been to pre-school.

Carol:      There wouldn't be a problem getting her enrolled where I work.

Tisha:      That's good. 

Carol:      Aren't you going to ask me if I have a history of mental problems, alcoholism, a criminal record?

Tisha:      If you were an alcoholic, would you tell me the truth about it?

Carol:      I would if I didn't want the girl in my house.

Tisha:      Are you an alcoholic?

Carol:      (pause) No.

Tisha:      Actually, I don't think I need to ask you any more questions.  I don't think I'm going to find anything that would disqualify you.  Besides, a criminal background check is routine.   No.  There's only one question that needs to be answered.  That's the one you have to ask yourself.

Carol:      Do I...  Will I accept the girl?

Tisha:      Thank you for your time.  This is my card.  Call me when you make your decision.

[Exit Tisha]

Carol:      You can come out now.

[Enter Eris and Meg]

Meg:        Eris, you're no fun.  I wanted to ask her about the girl.

Eris:       That wouldn't have helped, Meg.  Besides, it wasn't you that Ms. Morgan came to see.  How do you feel, Carol?

Carol:      Drained.  You two listened to everything, didn't you?

Eris:       Well...

Meg:        Of course, we listened to everything.  That's why we put our ears to the door, silly.

Carol:      What do you think?

Meg:        I think it would be just fabulous to have a little niece.

Eris:       Someone who talks on the same level as you?

Meg:        (sticks out her tongue)

Eris:       It's not my decision, and, of course, I will support you no matter what you decide.  But I think it's significant that George asked for both of you to adopt the girl, not just him.  He wants to come home, Carol.

Carol:      Yes.  I caught that.  He wants to come home.  But I don't know.  I just don't know.