Act 1 Scene 9

[Apron.  Enter George and Louis.  As they speak they walk across the stage to exit on the other side]

George:     How do you think things are going?

Louis:      About as I expected.

George:     Which is?

Louis:      You should be found guilty.

George:     Guilty!  What are you going to do about that?

Louis:      Nothing much, I imagine.  I probably should have pled you guilty to start with and we could have skipped all this tedious testimony about war and all.

George:     Guilty?  But I'm not guilty.

Louis:      You did go to war with Afghanistan and Iraq, did you not?

George:     Yes, of course.

Louis:      There you go.  You're guilty of waging war.

George:     But I didn't do anything wrong.

Louis:      I didn't say you did.  Just said you went to war.

George:     Well, what are they going to do to me?

Louis:      Pardon?

George:     The sentence.  What's the sentence for being found guilty for going to war?

Louis:      Nothing.

George:     Nothing?

Louis:      Nothing.  There's no penalty for waging war.  Not for a king, anyway.  Unless, of course, you lose or are removed from office.

George:     Well, I only get to serve two terms.  Eight years max and you're ...  out on your ass. 

Louis:      Really?  Kind of a periodic, institutional coup d'etat?

George:     Yeah.

Louis:      In that case, you're screwed.

[Exit George and Louis.  Enter Eris.]

Eris:       Well, we've reached the end of Act One.  Isn't that thrilling?  You're sort of half way there.  One more act and then we can all go out and get drunk!

You're buying.

 [Eris starts to exit but stops just before leaving]

Eris:       Oh, I almost forgot.  Silly me.

In the set design for this play there are absolutely no fnords.  Fnords?  You don't know what fnords are?  Fnords are words that you are conditioned not to see.  The inclusion of a fnord in something you are viewing will cause a subconscious feeling of discomfort and confusion. 

The conspiracy which rules the world inserts them into newspapers and T.V. news to create anxiety in anyone who becomes too curious about current events.  The absence of them in advertising, by contrast, creates a feeling of well-being and relief.  You can't see them, but when they are there, you feel fearful and uneasy.  Kind of like a terrorist alert.

Like I said, there are absolutely no fnords on this stage.  I swear.  If you're feeling uncomfortable and uneasy, it's probably because this theatre has such incredibly cheap seats.

 [Exit Eris]

End of Act One